So, here’s where life gets messy for a lot of reasons.
First, as I said in the introduction, accepting and embracing this new norm is sometimes very challenging, at least for me anyway. As I said in My Story, I didn’t know anything about my son’s adopted gender association until he was 26 years old, which at that time, my friend said, “You’ve had a wonderful son for 26 years, now you’ll have a wonderful daughter.” So now, for the sake of working to practice what I preach, I will try to diligently refer to my son, by his screen name Bubbly, as she/her/they; (Bubbly chose this name around ten years of age and I always felt it completely fit his/her effervescent personality).
I must say this part of the blog is extremely difficult and I literally shed tears from so many emotions as I write; love, concern, and the incredible fear I feel as she moves into her first relationship. Mostly the new relationship part and for good reason…
This relationship started just about one year ago. As a mother very close to their child, of course we want the very best for them. As I mentioned before, the only romantic interest has been online with a girl Bubbly had a crush on. I actually had a few interactions with her during their time they were online, and she was very sweet, humble, but also lost. That relationship didn’t work out because of the girls’ fears and personal issues.
Fast forward now five years or so later, Bubbly finds a new relationship. Bubbly has always been into gaming and for the past several years has streamed them to a live audience. About a year ago she met a fellow streamer and another transgender individual (going from male to female). So much to wrap my head around.
As I said earlier in My Story Continued, I had been in a very rough place. So, at that point my daughter didn’t confide in me about their relationship. However, that changed quickly when Bubbly went to meet a group of friends, in July 2023, for a game convention. This is the first time meeting, their now relationship partner.
Bubbly’s interest in the person grew and she was invited out to Florida (she lives in Oregon) for Christmas, 2023 and to stay with us for 10 days, (I still live with Bubbly due to my disability and limited income, plus I am still the nurturing mom that she appreciates). I was definitely accepting of meeting this person, gave her a hug and welcomed her. She asked me what to call me and I told her, Arlene. She then said I could call her by a name I had never heard before (which had been changed on her birth certificate in the transgender process). I didn’t understand as my daughter told me she went by a different name. I said, “Well I know you through Bubbly as ____ and that is what I’ll call you.” She said that is what her friends call her, trying to exclude me from any familiarity. I just repeated, that I already knew her by that name and that is what I would call her. She was clearly trying to draw a line in the sand and did not accept me.
I respected their space, but being the Italian mama that I am, I frequently offered to cook dinner for them if they were staying in, playing video games or streaming. My daughter told me that I did not make a good first impression. This person said I was trying to micromanage them; they didn’t need a mother and didn’t want a mother. After I had prepared Christmas dinner, this partner wanted to go eat alone with Bubbly in her game room. I kept my mouth shut. WOW! If it were me going to my partner’s home for the first time, I would have been the one trying to make a good first impression.
I feel that families should be inclusive and we should accept and respect each person’s differences. I don’t feel I am a threat to her or especially Bubbly, but we do share a close connection. Adding a relationship to an existing family should be more to celebrate and more to love. OK, so what do you think…
In the next piece I’ll tell you more about this person and the situation, which has actually brought to light, for both my daughter and I, how deeply rooted and obvious some of her personality disorders are.