Hello, my name is Arlene. I will tell you a bit about myself and my son, which relates to this venture into the Rainbow Community. I am actually very uncomfortable with this portion of the blog as I feel quite exposed, vulnerable and afraid of boring anyone with the story. But, a trusted friend tells me it’s all part of sharing and connecting, so here it goes…

About me: I fell in love at sixteen and married this wonderful man when I turned eighteen years old (who happened to be twenty-two years my senior). We had a marvelous marriage and my husband did not want any more children than the two he already had with his first wife. They were both basically my age and I agreed that not having children was fine with me. A few years after we were married I began working at a private elementary school and my love for children and concept of family grew during the nine years of my time there.

Fast forward twelve years of marriage; I began having a strong desire to have a baby. After a few years of letting my husband know how important this was to me, he acquiesced and told me he would be okay with me going through a sperm bank program at a fertility center to conceive; he had gone through a vasectomy many years ago. Our son was born fourteen years into our marriage in 1995 and we were very happy. Things began to change, however, as we subsequently went through a very turbulent time of financial strain and some issues with his two previous children.

We ended up separating after our son turned two, maybe at fifty-six my husband was having a midlife crisis, I don’t know, but whatever the reason, we were going in two different directions. Still, I must say, I am very appreciative to this day for who my former husband has been in my life during those sixteen years of marriage and beyond, plus the kindness and support he provided while our son was growing up.

But, to be honest, while my ex continued to offer financial support he did not remain much of a part in my son’s life. My ex remarried right away and my son and I moved three hours south to Carlsbad, California. That said, my ex and I are still friends today and speak fairly frequently by phone.

So, current day, how did we get here, what is the catalyst for this blog? That’s a tough one but here we go… I will tell you a bit about my son and our relationship to give an overview of life as a single parent with an only child. And yes, I remain single to this day as the love and bond my son and I share has always been abundantly enough and I never wanted to split my attention with anyone else. Can you say “Helicopter Mom!?” Yes, that was definitely me. And, as my sister (also a single parent) said, “It is better to have one loving, attentive parent than two who are in conflict.” Plus, we always had a fun-loving extended family and great emotional support.

So now a bit about my son. He was always clever and advanced. He never really had to try hard or study to get straight A’s. His entire life he was never feminine but also not a rough and tumble boy; and he always liked girls. He was extremely kind, compassionate and always the happiest kid you could ever meet with an infectious sense of humor. He was also a total tech wiz kid ever since he was six years old, when I got him his first computer. He was teaching himself how to write code by the time he was eight for graphics and game creation. He also finished high school at sixteen years old with 35 college credits in Calculus, English and Computer Science. He then won the largest scholarship awarded by Full Sail University in Florida, which focused on Computer Sciences, Game Design, Film and Media; everything in the Entertainment Industry.

Since our home was in California, we packed everything up and moved across country to an apartment near Full Sail. There he successfully focused on his education and I focused on looking for work. I ended up with an Executive Secretary position at a beautiful Retirement Community and I loved working with the residents and their families. Additionally, I met some wonderful people on the Executive Team and other employees that I consider friends for life. Meantime, my son graduated at nineteen with his Bachelors of Science Degree and after taking a year off to try his hand at creating his own game, he secured a position within the Simulation Industry as a Senior Software Engineer.

He was still attracted to girls, but living in the world of technology, all of his friends, even a girl he had a major crush on, were all an online experience. Fortunately his group of friends did eventually meet up about once a year at various locations including Las Vegas, but this was so infrequent and only a total of three times.

Okay, here’s where the Rainbow part comes in… A few years ago my son told me that though he was attracted to women, he actually identifies more as a female than male. This was news to me. Oh my! What could I say? The only thing that felt right at the moment was, “Okay, I accept whoever you feel that you are and I love you completely no matter who you might be attracted to.” This is when I learned that my son felt transgender female as his gender identity. Additionally, I have learned that gender identity is who you perceive yourself to be, not necessarily your sex.

And now, I guess in writing this blog , the intention is to reach out to others who find themselves going through their own unique experience of loving and sharing a connection with someone in this unique array of individuals that I refer to as The Rainbow Community.

On a final note – when I ask my son today to look back and evaluate his childhood, he says that he feels really lucky and that he had a really good childhood. He also said that he “never experienced stress or trauma and always felt safe and loved.” I am so thankful for that! So now as my very close friend Shirley said to me, “You’ve had a wonderful son for twenty-six years, now you’ll have a wonderful daughter.”
Still trying to wrap my head around it all, but I know that I am blessed and aren’t we all a work in progress…?

Truthfully, there is still so much left to say and share about the time I have had with my son, how wonderfully supportive he has been through two major health hiccoughs, and now, the first relationship he has ever been in… But for now, I’ll stop here…

Please feel free to visit the My Story Continued tab for more…