Okay, now here we are, after Christmas and New Years (her stay was 10 days). Of course, Bubbly and she were continually in touch on video chat. And though my daughter had close friends for more than a decade, this person did not have any outside relationships; she became completely obsessed with Bubbly’s undivided attention. Unfortunately, Bubbly quit hanging out with her group of friends that she had been so close with for a decade and gave up a lot of her competitive game play time as well.
By February, they made plans to see each other again and watch the 2024 April 8th eclipse. They decided for the partner to fly to Orlando, and they would drive North and a little West, to find a prime spot to view the eclipse (plane tickets were overpriced and flights were mostly sold out). The partners’ plane to Orlando was scheduled to arrive Thursday, April 4th. Well, around 2:00 am, Monday, April 1st, my daughter began experiencing stomach cramps, bloating and pain. She was clearly miserable, and by 9:00 am, after sipping on a cup of tea, she started vomiting. I said, “That’s it, we’re going to the Emergency Room.”
(Friends, I am stopping the italics at this point)
After administering morphine for the pain, the doctor notified us that the test results showed appendicitis. They got Bubbly admitted to a private room and worked to get surgery scheduled for that evening, as the appendix was so enlarged and the white blood count high, she was at risk of it bursting.
Bubbly had been in communication with her partner during the day by messages, and at 6:00 pm, we were on standby in the surgery wing while they tried to reach an on-call surgeon. My daughter felt bad she couldn’t text her girlfriend and let her know what was going on, as she didn’t have her cell phone with her, so I told her she could use mine. The partner asked Bubbly if I could message her to tell her when she was safely out of surgery and going back to her room. The surgery happened at 10:00 pm and I texted the girlfriend as promised. I found it ironic she wanted communication from me when she barely spoke to me on her last visit.
So, as I said, they had a trip planned to see the eclipse, which was happening on Tuesday, April 8th. This was going to entail about ten hours of driving for two days. I told the surgeon about their plans when she came in, and she said, “If this were my son or daughter, I would say absolutely not! You are at extremely high risk for blood clots by traveling, especially since you’re on Hormone Replacement Therapy for your transgender status, which increases that risk.” The surgeon did add that if they were intent on taking the trip they needed to stop every hour and walk for fifteen minutes for the vascular circulation.
I told Bubbly to please be safe and not risk it, a DVT would be horrible if she were driving through rural areas and there were no hospitals. She said she would wait to decide but the partner said she was still coming since she already had her plane ticket. During the week, Bubbly was very sore and uncomfortable and wasn’t sure if she was up to the trip. However, she told me she really didn’t want to disappoint the girlfriend. The partner promised Bubbly she would stop every hour or so for her to walk and told Bubbly she should be fine. Who was she to tell Bubbly she should be fine?! Her desires were obviously more important than anything else. I saw that, once again, she was running the show on my daughter: she had already cut her off from her friends and much of her game streaming. (Another important piece is that this person is eight years older than my daughter and has had multiple past relationships; this is Bubbly’s first ever)
When Bubbly told me on Friday afternoon she wanted to take the trip, (though I didn’t like it) I went to the store to get things they could use for the drive, a case of bottled water, snacks, etc. I also pulled two folding chairs out of the closet in case they were in a crowded spot and had to wait for the eclipse to happen. On Saturday, the partner spoke to me and said she was going to load the car as Bubbly wasn’t supposed to lift anything. Bubbly was still feeling very weak and tired. The partner actually thanked me and in return, I thanked her for watching out for Bubbly and keeping her safe. (Could we have made a turn in our relationship??? I was trying to give her the benefit of the doubt)
Anyway, they made it back from the trip safely, Bubbly text and called me daily to let me know she was doing well. They returned on Wednesday evening and the partner didn’t leave until that following Sunday. However, I could feel something was different with them towards the end of the week. This was the beginning of their first intense disagreement.
After the partner left, my daughter told me that her girlfriend was upset that Bubbly would be participating in a new game extension at the end of July, which would require sixteen weeks of intense practice with the team she was on. Bubbly’s team of eight people would be practicing three evenings a week for sixteen weeks, leading up to the competition; mind you, the practice is only four hours at a time. Bubbly said that her partner expected her to not take on this time commitment outside of their relationship and stormed out of the house to take a walk. When she returned, she told Bubbly that she expected her to follow her when she’s upset and was pissed off that she didn’t. She didn’t stop to consider that Bubbly had already given up all her time with her group of friends. Also, the two of them stay on live chat until 4:00 am EST every day. I could see she wanted complete control over Bubbly and is never satisfied.
My daughter has been a competitive gamer for years (and she loves it), which means that when a particular game releases a new level of difficulty, she and her team will play against teams from all over the world and are allowed a particular window of time to beat the game and rank amongst these world teams. Bubbly does exceedingly well, for instance, in the last release of Team Fortress XIV Bubbly’s team scored 21st in the entire world with tens of thousands of teams participating. Bubbly is very high in the ranks and her partner is not, this is a continual source of jealousy, insecurity and contention in their relationship.
Another example of her control is that I am not allowed to enter Bubbly’s game room when they are on video chat. If I have a question or have food prepared for my daughter, she now needs me to message her instead of walking in. This had never happened before in all the years of Bubbly streaming, gaming, or spending time with friends. This again is all her trying to isolate Bubbly. In the next publication, I will tell you about a huge fight that ensued on the same topic. This fight almost ended the relationship and is when Bubbly finally reached out to one of her friends for advice and support. This friend asked if they could share the story with someone very close who was a behavioral therapist. I’ll tell you about the results in the next post.
Please feel free to share your stories, this isn’t meant to be just about me, I am only sharing my experience with you and look forward to you sharing yours.